Autumn; time to care for our Lungs: Breath, Boundaries, and the Beauty of Letting Go
We are well into Autumn now and transitioning into winter. In Chinese medicine, it’s the lung season, and we need to nurture our lungs with some extra care and attention. The lungs are of course about our breath, the oxygen without which we cannot live, but they are also connected with the emotion of grief. Breathing in is nurturing, nourishing and expansive, breathing out is just as necessary! Breathing out is releasing, relaxing and let go.
The pressure to carry it all, decisions, expectations, emotional load, can lead to shallow breathing, both literally and metaphorically. We hold everything in, forgetting that release is as vital as retention.
The Power of the Breath - Conscious Breathwork
Breathing is our most fundamental rhythm, and yet most of us do it totally unconsciously and somewhat superficially. The breath mirrors our state and how we interract with life. Can we notice if our breath is too fast, too high in our lungs, too tight? Conscious breathwork is a wonderful practice which invites us to pause, to make space within ourselves, to return to presence.
And the best thing of all about it is that it is totally doable right now, at any given moment, anywhere! No fancy equipment and it’s totally free!
Simple practices like belly breathing, heart coherence breathing, or just a few intentional deep sighs can really help calm the nervous system and restore focus. Conscious breathing recentres us, allowing us to catch that reactive energy and giving us that all important moment to choose our response. It is the simplest and most powerful form of self-regulation available to us.
Try: Before your next meeting/call/stressful event, take three slow breaths. Breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth. Feel your chest rise, your lungs expand, then release. You can let your shoulders rise as you breathe in and then drop on the exhale. Notice how you feel when you do this.
There are many, many schools of conscious breathing and I invite you to see which one works for you. But you really don’t need a school or a teacher other than your own body. What happens when you focus on your breath even for just 2 minutes or as you read this article! It is such a crucial and fundamental part of an embodied approach to Leadership.
If you like a specific exercise, try the Heart Coherence Breath from Heartmath (a wonderful research centre). Place your hand on your heart and use your intention and imagination to breathe into your heart. This activates the ‘heartbrain’ the neurons which are in your heart (discovered by Dr J Armour in 1991).
Breath and Boundaries
In the Chinese medicine system the emotion is grief and the function of the lungs is “Boundaries”. I wont go far into the enormous wealth of knowledge that is Chinese Medicine, but I have used if for over 30 years and it is amazing! Lets just take it as a reminder to revisit our Boundaries - and who doesn’t need that!
Boundaries are a constant art form for me. Where do I need to take in the other person, the world, the information and when do I say, “No, not for me”. This is also a particular issue for many of the women leaders I work with. We can often have strong and finely tuned empathy but can have issues around understanding how uncomfortable it can feel to hold our own boundaries around what we will and wont do or accept. When we say yes too often, we can actually absorb others’ emotions. Then we can feel overwhelmed more easily and it is harder to look after our own needs. We can end up giving too much and feeling depleted. Then ironically, it can become increasingly difficult to say no and we can get ourselves into a vicious cycle. Strong boundaries don’t separate us; they oxygenate us.
Have your heard the phrase: “There is no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing?” (Alan Wainwright and Billy Connolly). Imagine your boundaries as clothes. If you go out in winter, dressed for the summer, you certainly are not going to be protected from the elements. However, think about if you wore a cashmere vest or a merino wool under garment. Soft, warm, breathable. Boundaries are like that: they are protective, supportive, flexible, protecting you and your energy, whilst allowing you to be connected to nature.
The Emotion of Grief
Grief is a misunderstood emotion. It isn’t only about mourning and loss; it’s about acknowledging things that didn’t happen, things that could have happened and the ever present endings within change. Every ending carries an element of grief. An event you have been looking forward to, that has now gone. That project you have been focusing on, now completed. Grief doesn’t need to be soul crushing, back breaking loss (though sadly, it can be), sometimes it’s just a feeling of what we used to call ‘after show blues’. Something has been completed and it is finished and its gone, we need to let go. Some people who struggle with ‘completing and finishing’ are actually deeply resistant to the feeling of grief and do not want to let go. (This is a very deep topic - lots more on this in our Friday 15 Coaching Series and in our Coaching Circles) If you do not want to let go, and find grief scary and overwhelming, actually not finishing it is safer.
Grief is a hard emotion to really feel. It can feel overwhelming. I used to see it as a letting go of the shore and allowing myself to be taken into the current of the river - not actually knowing where the other side was. What if I couldn’t get throught the grief? What if it just went on forever? This meant that I would much rather rush past grief of any kind and on to the next thing. Ticking things off and quickly move on.
It has been a vital, painful and totally wonderful part of my learning, development and healing to allow myself to acknowledge and feel my grief. If this resonates, go gently! And remember, you don’t have to do this alone. Reach out to someone who can support you. Grief is a community activity and we are definitely not meant to grieve alone. When it is felt and processed, grief becomes the compost of transformation. It clears space and helps you grow your next adventure / self.
What old griefs may you need to feel? Can you journal about your grief? Do you need to give yourself some time for a grief moment with the trees? As they let go of their leaves, can you let go of any old grief?
Embracing the Elements
At this time of year we have to face the fact that it is harder to spend time outside, but it is not good for us to spend too much time inside! We need to breathe in the fresh air, feel the wind on your face. Remember we are part of nature, we are not made to be separate from it. Cold air is invigorating when we meet it with the right preparation. As I mentioned earlier, its all about the right clothing.
Winter walks need a bit more prep. Wrap up well (I am a big fan of merino wool under garments!) and step outside. Let the wind move through you. If you keep moving it keeps the cold from settling in and the spirit from stagnating. Enjoy a mindful seasonal walk, without your phone and earphones. Reconnect body and breath. It is so invigorating.
How about trying a cold swim? Not to be tried alone, but there are an ever increasing number of outdoor swimming clubs and events. I love it! And the science is clear, it is very good for you. However, obviously look after yourself and get support.
And when you return indoors, get warm! If you can light a real fire - amazing.
Letting Go with Grace
Lets use this season to “Let Go”. What if our success is not about ADDING but SUBTRACTING. Lets reflect deeply and make the bold move of letting go of everything that no longer serves us.
Leadership is about direction and its also about discernment; knowing what to release. This is the season to audit not just strategies but energetic expenditure. Which responsibilities still serve you, and which have run their course? Where are you clinging to roles, narratives, or expectations that no longer align with who you’ve become?
Letting go isn’t because you can’t cope, it’s not weakness; it’s wisdom. It creates space for the next iteration of growth.
This is the darker, quieter time of year, lets acknowledge that! Watch the trees and keep returning to the rhythm of the breath. Inhale true trust and exhale false control. Allow endings to be honoured rather than hurried. Let the grief move through, and the boundaries hold steady.
This is how you stay both soft and strong and how you can keep your leadership vital and your humanity intact.