Self-Love Beyond the Bubble Bath
Self-love has become a popular concept, and in many ways, that’s something to celebrate. We’re seeing more permission to rest, to say no, and to tend to ourselves rather than endlessly giving.
But I would argue much of what passes for self-love today remains at the surface level.
Candle lit baths, treats, time off, beautiful rituals, all of these can be nourishing. But they are not, in themselves, self-love. They are expressions. Without a deeper foundation, they are potentially temporary relief rather than genuine support.
Popular culture reflects this tension well. In Miley Cyrus’s Flowers, we hear an anthem of independence and self-sufficiency:
“I can buy myself flowers
Write my name in the sand
Talk to myself for hours
Say things you don’t understand…”
There is power here and also a question.
Is self-love about proving we don’t need anyone?
Or is it about something far more rooted?
We can look towards other cultures who differentiate the concept of love with many different words, whereas we only have one! The Greek concept of philautía offers a useful distinction. At its healthiest, philautía is not narcissism or indulgence, but a true regard for one’s own happiness and wellbeing, importantly we see that this must be grounded in self-worth rather than self-image.
This kind of self-love asks more of us.
It invites us to consider how we relate not only to the parts of ourselves we like and present proudly, but also to the parts we find uncomfortable, messy, or inconvenient. Our doubts, Our edges, Our ‘less thans’ etc, Our so-called “shadow” aspects.
For me personally self love is being prepared to see what I struggle with, and knowing that it’s OK. It’s knowing that my worth is unasailable. The big shift for me came when I genuinely accepted that, if I was trying to prove my worth, I was expressing that I was not solid in that worth. So I started giving up trying to prove my worth and noticing when I was doing so! It was a great relief to me because a) it is not possible and b) its absolutely exhausting!
Loving ourselves in this deeper way doesn’t always feel good. In fact, it often feels challenging. It requires good internal boundaries, difficult choices, or the courage to be honest about what is no longer sustainable. It also asks us to do a very brave thing: can we listen to our own inner intelligence and grow our trust in our own ability to know what is best for us.
It isn’t easy but, this is where real resilience is built.
When self-love is rooted in self-worth, it naturally translates into action:
Choosing food that genuinely nourishes
Moving the body in ways that restore energy rather than punish it
Creating space for music, creativity, nature, and rest
Allowing emotions to move rather than suppressing them
Seeking support when needed, rather than proving strength through isolation
These are not indulgences. They are acts of leadership, first with ourselves, and then with others.
True self-love is not a feeling we wait for. It is a choice we return to when we know our self-worth.
And when we practice it consistently, it quietly changes how we show up, at work, in relationships, and in the wider world.
So perhaps the question this season is not how should I be treating myself?
But rather: how do I demonstrate, through my choices, that I truly know and appreciate my worth?
Because this is true. You are 100% worthy, you are the unique you, and that is real love.